- voting at 18 with only the intoxication of liberal media to influence them
- smoking at 19 so they at least extend their lives by one more year
- lotto tickets at 20 so they can have a couple of years to realize that after they pay their bills on their meager income there is no money left over to blow on gambling
- drinking at 21 because, well, we can never have enough drunk drivers.
So... back to Kendall. Her birthday got me thinking about all the things I hate about her. There are many but here are ten main things I hate about Kendall:
#1 - She is happy and positive and almost always in a good mood. She wakes up cheerful at 5am every morning for drill team. Who does that?
#2 - She's photogenic. The camera either loves you or it doesn't. I don't know why it loves some people more than others. Sometimes the reasons are obvious and other times, not so much. For whatever reason, the camera loves Kendall.
#3 - She asks not "what can you do for me mom?" but rather, "what can I do for you?" That behavior doesn't usually start to emerge until post mission for boys or well into their twenties for girls!
#4 - She not only cleans up after herself but she cheerfully cleans up after everyone else too. I used to think that out of 7 kids I did not get one single neat freak. Well, it turns out that there was a neat freak buried under all of her older sisters' clutter! She loves having her sisters back home but also looks forward to getting their room back in pristine condition when they leave.
#5 - She's self-motivated. She gets straight A's without a lick of help from me. She doesn't even need my occasional, very inspiring pep talks. (Don't worry, though, Bryan is getting his share and Kendall's too!)
#6 - She cooks! She likes to experiment in the kitchen and make amazingly delicious things. Her latest experiment was this...
What is that you ask? Why, it's a "slutty brownie" of course! (not named by Kendall). It's a bar cookie and the bottom layer is chocolate chip, the middle layer is double stuff oreos and the top layer is brownie. They are called that because they are "easy and quite filthy". I love that she bakes but why does she have to do it when I'm on a quest to lose my extra holiday pounds? Ya gotta hate her!
#7 - She is good at putting outfits together and wearing everything in her closet yet doesn't spend too much time fussing over it. She appreciates when I buy her clothes and she actually wears them - unlike some of my other kids (cough - Courtney - who won't wear color or anything with a pattern preferring browns and greys and thinks everything makes her look fat!)
#8 - She entertains. She actually invites friends over (unlike some of my other children, cough - Brad, who refused to and said our house was boring) and Kendall even plans everything and prepares everything. This girl actually plans it, shops for needed items at the store, prepares everything and cleans up. Seriously! This is the cake she made for her most recent birthday party...
#9 - She gets herself up and ready for everything. Not only do I not have to help her but she is usually prepared with plenty of time to help me.
#10 - She is content to just be at home. She loves to hang out with her friends and go on dates but she is just as happy to be home and read a book or hang out with the family. (At least, she pretends like she likes being home with us and that's good enough for me!)
Why do I hate all of these things about Kendall? Because it's going to be miserable for me to send her off to college in the fall. Now, don't get me wrong, I have not looked forward to any of my kids leaving. If I had the choice I'd keep them all right here with me for the rest of their lives but... that's kind of creepy. I knew I'd miss the other kids but at least I got to look forward to their messy rooms going away with them. And they were all somewhat helpful but nothing like Kendall. Seriously, she is setting me up for a devastating loss and that is why I hate her!
Shame on you, Kendall! Have you thought about my feelings at all? We are supposed to be arguing over curfews and fighting over why your bed needs to be made when you are just going to get back in it that night. You're supposed to sneaking around with a boy I don't approve of and telling me you're old enough to make your own choices. These are the things that give parents some small comfort in knowing that they will at least get a respite from when their child leaves for college. I fear the way you have behaved this year is going to leave me lying in the fetal position for days. The only thing I will have to look forward to is picking up Bryan's socks all over the house. At least that's a full time job so it should keep me occupied!
I hate you Kendall!